Decisions
by Andrina Sparda
Summary: Spock reflects on his relationship with Uhura in order to make a difficult decision.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: To my dismay I do not own Star Trek nor am I writing this to make money. I just want to play here for awhile :)**

Spock thought about how is relationship with Nyota had begun as he laid down his bed in his quarters. He was too agitated to play the lute so he was left with only his thoughts. His thoughts of what he was pushing away and giving up.

5 years earlier…

The night was cool on the academy grounds as Commander Spock made his way towards his apartment from his office. He had spent the evening there planning his advanced Vulcan class for the up coming spring semester. The lectures were well prepared and he thought he had a good chance of actually teaching his students something this term. It exasperated him how unprepared his students had been in the past for his labs and assignments no matter how much he stressed that study out side of class was imperative to success in his class. He pushed his frustrations away with his now almost reflexive Vulcan emotional control. His pace slowed as his sharp Vulcan hearing picked what sounded like perfect Vulcan being spoken by a young female.

Since he had arrived on earth he had not heard his native language spoken correctly except by the rare occasions that his mother was able to sneak away from his father to contact him. He followed the voice until he arrived at a small picnic area out side of the student dorms. He stayed in the shadow of the trees as he saw the owner of the voice. He was taken by surprise, the young woman was not merely pretty, she was beautiful. Her dark eyes sparkled in the moonlight and her chocolate skin glowed as if it was competing with the loveliness of the night and winning. However it was not all of this that kept him there as the young woman practiced the Vulcan language, it was her voice, it drew him as if she was speaking to him alone. Acting on impulse for the first time since he was a child he decided he would speak with her.

"The desert trains the body as logic tames the mind and spirit," The melodic voice said in Vulcan.

"Indeed, but logic is only the beginning of wisdom" Spock replied in his native language, still hidden in the shadows. It felt good to use the language that came so naturally to him.

The Cadet, startled looked in Spock's direction. He almost thought she had seen him but if she had she made no indication of this.

"It was the last words of Surak, its meaning is still in debate," The cadet replied looking leery about talking to a stranger that she couldn't see, Spock didn't blame her, but he did not think he could speak this freely with her if they were face to face. He had trouble interacting with humans in the past. His Vulcan way of conversation didn't suit most humans. If there was a possibility that he would be her teacher one day he did not want it to become awkward if this conversation met the same end.

"I am impressed with your knowledge of the Vulcan language and text; may I inquire where you learned it?" Spock said his curious nature taking hold of him.

"Thank you, I taught my self, I used the library databases for the language guide and other text. I watched recordings of Vulcan speakers as well. I really became enthralled with it the first time I ever hear it. Vulcan is so beautiful, and yet powerful to the ear at the same time. I must say _your _accent and pronunciation is flawless, it is almost as if you are Vulcan."

"You have a gift for languages," Spock said, not as a question but as a fact, deliberately ignoring her last statement. He regretted it however; he was only stating the obvious and felt a little uncomfortable about his inept conversing skills.

"Communication _is _my course of study. I suppose I have a knack for it, at least a love for it anyway."

Before Spock could respond he noticed a group of students were headed towards his direction. One of the students he recognized as James Kirk. He had taken his test and failed it once already. The young woman hanging off of Kirks arm Spock did not know.

"I must take my leave, it was pleasant to speak with you," With those words, still in his native language, Spock reluctantly turned and walked away.

--------------------------------------------------------------

The first day of Spring Semester had arrived and Spock was now on his way to his first advanced Vulcan class. He had thought often about the beautiful young Cadet that he had conversed with. He had not been able to rationalize going back to see if the cadet was there again. Now that he was passing by the same spot that the conversation had taken place, he felt regret for not trying to speak to her again. He was a curious man by nature and he wanted to know more about the bright and talented young woman. Spock ignored his human side which said 'Its not only her language skills that has you curious' and pushed it to the back of his mind. He entered the large auditorium that would serve as his classroom for the semester.

It was empty, as he thought it would be, he was thirty minuets early so that there was adequate time to get his notes in order. Twenty minutes later the doors opened and students began to take their seats. When Spock looked up from his notes he had to fight not to show his shock. There sitting in the front row looking very intently at him, was the young woman he had conversed with. She was dressed in the traditional red skirt uniform. Her long thick black hair was pulled back into a pony tail. She was just as beautiful as he remembered. He inwardly sighed, his fathers words came to him, words he had heard often, "Too human". His reaction to her beauty was too human so he forcefully crushed it away as his training had taught him. He had a class to run. He stood up straight and put his hands behind his back.

"Good morning, I am Commander Spock and I will be teaching Advanced Vulcan this term. All previous knowledge from your mid level Vulcan courses should be reviewed and mastered by the end of the week," Spock's introduction had earned a few groans but his stern yet calm stare and raised eyebrow hushed the room more effectively then any reprimand could have done.

He found it difficult to do what was logical and ignore the young woman as the class progressed due to her participation in class and her ability to answer even the most difficult of questions he asked. During these interactions Spock was able to gain knowledge of her name, Cadet Uhura. When the hour was up and the class was dismissed Spock began to pack his things.

"The desert trains the body as logic tames the mind and spirit"

Spock looked up when he heard her voice speaking those same words in his native language again. His pulse quickened and his face flushed a slight green. It did not really surprise him that she discovered that it was he who had spoken with her a few months ago. He had spent most of the class speaking in Vulcan. A trained ear would be able recognize his voice and speech patterns. Spock did not know what to say so he did the most logical thing he could think of, he remained silent.

"I see now why your Vulcan was flawless. I suppose that I should feel more appreciative of your compliment now that I know the source," Uhura said smiling at him.

"I regret if our conversation caused you any discomfort I was just surprised to hear my native language being spoken so fluently. I am pleased that you are in my class Cadet Uhura," Spock said in his normal stoic tone, however, his eyes were bright with excitement and curiosity to be speaking with her again.

"There was no discomfort because of our conversation, just a curiosity." Uhura said her lovely almond shaped eyes were gleaming with an emotion that Spock could not recognize.

"I must admit that your level of understanding of Vulcan is far surpassed what is required of this class. In order to not waste your time, I would suggest an independent study with my self of perhaps a different dialect."

He could not believe what he had just offered. Why had he done this? He knew why and it was not an answer that pleased him, to spend more time with Cadet Uhura. This was illogical but he could not take back his offer now and he found that he did not want to.

"I would like that very much Commander Spock," Uhura said with enthusiasm.

"I am available after this class time, if that is amenable to you we coud perhaps meet here?" Spock asked looking forward at the wall behind Cadet Uhura and not at her.

"That's fine Commander."

"Very well, we will start tomorrow," Spock said trying hard to keep his elevated mood from seeping into his voice.

Nyota smiled "see you then, Commander Spock."

Spock watched as she left the room. He straightened his shoulders and then left, feeling like his human half had just won a victory.

**A/N- Please review and let me know honestly what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: To my dismay I do not own Star Trek nor am I writing this to make money. I just want to play here for awhile :)**

**A/N- Tank you to all of the wonderful people who read and reviewed this story! This chapter is for you! Tell me if you find any mistakes! **

**First steps**

Spock's hands slightly shook as he tried to type his reports to the captain about the updates to the science lab. It was getting harder for him to concentrate. It had now fully begun. He had to think and decide what was best for Nyota. His mind traveled to an unexpected morning visit…

* * *

Spock looked out his office window. It was rainy and cold out side. He could tell it was not going to be a pleasant day. It seemed as if nature on this planet continuously liked to mock him by putting two of his least tolerable weather patterns together. Coming from a warm and dry climate had its disadvantages. Spock sighed and pushed these human and childish complaints away. He did have work to do after all and whining to him self was not a productive way of spending the morning. After all, after his first class he had another study session with Cadet Uhura and he needed to finish preparing the lesson.

Spock was surprised at how much his mood improved at the thought of spending time with Uhura again. There study sessions had now been going on for about a month and she was getting fairly familiar with the Northern region dialect that was difficult even for those who grew up on Vulcan. It seemed that if he was not careful and suggest that she take up another Romulan dialect, he may lose his usefulness. This thought amused him but alarmed him at the same time. Spock suddenly looked up as his door chime buzzed.

"Enter"

When the doors swooshed open Cadet Uhura walked in.

"Good morning Commander Spock," She said with a grin on her face.

Spock did not show any of the surprise he felt at having Cadet Uhura show up at his office at an hour that most humans would rather spend sleeping. He couldn't help but notice that her hair was damp from the rain and a strand fell quite charmingly out of place. Spock motioned for her to have a seat. Uhura sat down and looked at Spock taking a deep breath.

"What can I do for you Cadet?" Spock inquired in his usual calm and unemotional tone. His dark eyes however betrayed his curiosity and his gladness for her company.

"I was thinking…,"

"That is not an unusual past time for you cadet," Spock replied when Uhura paused tying to think about how to phrase what she wanted to say.

"Very funny, what I wanted to say was that there is a Federation Planets cultural exhibit this week. It last through the weekend and I was going to go perhaps this Saturday. I thought it would be a good educational experience," Uhura said, her eyes darted to the floor, obviously uncomfortable. Spock's lips turned upturned slightly at her comment, he had no intended to be funny.

Spock thought about this for a moment intertwining his fingers in the familiar triangle shape that signified he was thinking. It would indeed be interesting perhaps she should go. What he could not understand is why she was informing _him_ of her plans.

"It would indeed be an excellent opportunity, I am confused however, are you asking my permission?" Spock asked looking at Uhura tilting his head.

"No, not really, I just thought that perhaps you would like to come with me. I don't exactly trust them to have all their facts straight about Vulcan and you could inform me when their information isn't correct." Uhura said quite proud of her use of logic.

Spock could barely believe what he had heard. No one had asked him to accompany them on a social outing before. Since he came to earth it has been nothing but the academy, either as a students or teacher. His peers either taunted him or pretended he did not exist. He thought about her invitation, he wanted nothing more than to spend a weekend afternoon in her company. He knew that it was because of his desire to be in her company that he should refuse. However her logic was sound. At least that is what he told himself.

"That would agreeable," Spock said leaning back a little. This small human female was perplexing to him. Why would she want to spend time in his company? There were other human friend's who's company she would likely gain greater enjoyment. However if she preferred him for this outing he was not going to try to over analyze it further.

Uhura looked a little taken aback by his reply and was silent for a moment. When the silence became too apparent Uhura spoke.

"Great, umm I will meet you here at let say eight o'clock," Uhura said. Spock nodded in response not taking his gaze from hers.

"He noticed the stack of padds in her arms for the first time.

"Is there another reason for your visit Cadet Uhura?" Spock asked eyeing the pads.

"Oh Yeah, these are some of my favorite poems and songs and I thought we could translate them into Vulcan or Romulan. It might be a little fun exercise," Uhura said once again looking as if she may have over stepped her bounds, giving a teacher ideas for an assignment.

"That is an excellent suggestion. We are beginning a Romulan dialect this week and it would go very well with human emotional expression," Spock said. He inwardly cringed as he heard the words come out of his mouth. If wanted to alienate himself from Uhura he knew statements like that would certainly do it. Thankfully, she knew him well enough by now that his statement didn't change her attitude towards him in the slightest.

"Sounds interesting, well I am going to go and let you finish your work, you only have an hour left before class," Uhura said standing up and getting ready to leave.

"Cadet Uhura…" Spock began but then realized that he was not entirely sure what he wanted to say. Perhaps thank you for not ignoring my existence or casting me as a freak. Neither one of those statements sounded very Vulcan or masculine.

"Yes Commander," Uhura said with a confused look on her face. It was not often that Spock fumbled for words.

"I have some poems of my own I would like to show you. I will have to get them from my quarters. I hope you do not mind if I am detained a few moments from our lesson?" Spock asked, relieved that he found something to say before he made a fool of him self.

"Not at all Commander, I look forward to reading them, bye" Uhura said with a warm smile and then left.

* * *

Spock returned to the classroom again after his detour to his quarters. Uhura was waiting for him sitting with earphones on listening to music. Spock put a warm hand on her shoulder to inform her that he was back. Uhura shivered under his touch, but Spock did not notice. She took her earphones off and smiled.

"Hello again Cadet Uhura," Spock said. It sent an odd thrill through him to see her smile at his presence.

"It would seem a bit silly for you to keep calling me Cadet Uhura all Saturday, you can call me Nyota," She said her eyes sparkling as she looked up at him. Spock's breathing quickened as he looked into her eyes. He realized that it was a show of affection for her to give him her name. Even her classmates and friends called her Uhura.

"It is then appropriate for you to call me Spock…Nyota," He replied after taking a deep breath. He sat down in the seat next to hers to begin their lesson.

Nyota did not reply she just grinned. Spock was gratified that his response was satisfactory to her.

"Since the idea was yours we should begin by looking at a poem of your choosing," Spock said feeling as if professionalism needed to take over and quickly.

"Well the poem I wanted to read was William Shakespeare's sonnet eighteen," Uhura said taking out her padd and bringing up the poem from her database.

It took them an hour to translate the poem into Vulcan and Romulan. It was quite interesting since several emotional concepts could not be expressed in Vulcan well. This caused quite a bit of debating and conversation before a conclusion was reached to translate it into Romulan. Spock read the poem aloud so that Nyota could correct any of her mistakes. After he was done reading it he noticed that she was smiling.

"I do not believe this poem is humorous," Spock said feeling under scrutiny. Poetry reading was not his usual past time.

"No I am smiling because I was enjoying your voice, it is very soothing," Nyota said honestly looking down in embarrassment she had not realized she had been staring and smiling at her teacher.

Spock's pointed ears flushed green, he hoped Nyota did not notice.

"So what do you think of it?" Nyota said trying to change the subject.

"I believe that the use of imagery is quite strategically well done. However it seems too dramatic, I do not see the need for such flattery. It is illogical," Spock said.

"Well no one said that Shakespeare was a logical man. In fact I would argue quite the opposite and that is why people love his writing," Nyota said as if she had expected to have to explain her reasoning.

"Yes I suppose that is to be taken into consideration." Spock said looking over their notes that was in Romulan.

"Well how about we look at your poems now," Nyota suggested eagerly. Spock could tell that she had been extremely curious to find out which poems he had chosen.

"Very well, this is one that was written before Surak, before the awakening. I believe that you might find it enjoyable," Spock said handing her the padd.

After Nyota read it she looked at it again and then looked back at Spock.

"Spock, this poem puts Shakespeare to shame. The poem is about dying for love, having so much passion and emotion that it can not be contained. It's beautiful," She said in almost a whisper.

Spock noticed that her eyes were misty. He had not intended to make her unhappy. He remembered that his mother often cried when she was touched by a poem or sentiment and that tears did not always equal sadness to humans. He hoped that this was one of those moments.

"As you know, Vulcans were not always as they are now. They had their share of _Shakespeares,_" Spock said not sure why he had chosen this poem until that moment. He wanted to convey to Nyota that he too could appreciate emotion; even it was difficult for him to admit or express them.

"I never doubted that Vulcan's have emotions Spock, and thank you for showing me this poem. It is already half an hour past our time. Your next class will be coming in soon. I will bring in a Romulan translation for our next meeting." Nyota said looking at the time on her padd.

"Of course, I apologize for my negligence of the time," Spock said, as he stood up.

"Goodbye Spock," She said then brushed his fingers gently with hers, as if by accident and then turned and walked out of the classroom doors.

Spock stood there, nearly trembling. His lips were in his slightly up turned smile. Nyota was going to be his undoing. This was a fact he calculated the moment he first saw her in his classroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**- I am astounded at how many people are reading and reviewing this, thank you so much. I included the poem since there were so many inquiries about it. I was nervous to do this because I am not a poet and I did say it put Shakespeare to shame *blush* and I know I could NEVER do that. I hope you guys enjoy it despite that  Oh and I was thinking of writing another version of this story from Uhura's point of view. That way we get more yummy descriptions of Spock, what do you think?

Firewolfe- The Prince of an entire planet-totally got it from you!

**Chapter Three**

The night was almost unbearable for Spock as he sat on his meditation mat. Sweat was pouring off of his normally serine face as Spock forced his breathing to slow to a normal pace. His body's tremors began to lessen slightly. It was worse at night, he would try to meditate but he knew that the first was normally not able to be dealt with that way. There was only one logical way but how could he face her like this? His logic was taken from him by a curse that he supposed was a penance for Vulcans repressing their emotions. He would frighten her if he told her the truth. Even if she wanted to help him he could not let her. It would change her life forever. Forever is a long time with half a man who can not express his emotions. He thought about the events of another day that was brought about by an illogical decision…

Saturday

Spock woke up several hours earlier than he needed to. It was illogical but he was just not capable of staying in bed another minuet. He decided to meditate for awhile but was not very successful. He took a deep breath and decided to pass the time by eating his normal breakfast of a banana and yogurt. He did not know when he developed a taste for yogurt. It was tart in taste and yet refreshing, it reminded him of many of the Vulcan foods he grew up eating. This brought him to a sudden memory of his mother. Amanda hated some of the Vulcan foods that her husband requested be put on their menu. Spock was always amused by his mother's picky eating habits. His father would even try demanding that she ate more than she did but his mother was just as stubborn as her husband. It usually resulted in Sarek calling her illogical and she would call him a worry wart. What ever that meant, Spock never thought to ask when both his parents were in this type of mood. He decided that instead of getting more lost in thought he would look over Nyota's translations she had given him at their last meeting. The first of her translations he looked at was the poem in English.

_Fading_

_The desert is a hidden beauty and deadly if you forget her ways. _

_The blood spilt on these sands tonight hold nothing but the currency by which my dreams are paid. _

_The barest truth is written in the dark green drops, and the pain I see in your lovely face. _

_I will fulfill my destiny as I reach for you, giving all that I am for your last embrace._

_In death I show my truer self, in flames for the heartbeat of darkest loves sweet taste._

Spock did not realize how well the poem translated into English. He hoped that by giving her this poem, he did not cause Nyota to draw the wrong conclusion. He knew that it was against star Fleet regulations for anything more than friendship to transpire between them. Spock thought about that for a moment. There was very little chance that a young human girl like Nyota would even want to be his friend much less anything further. It was curious that she invited him to come along with her today. Perhaps she did want to pave some sort of friendship with him.

He would be content with friendship. He had never had a true friend before and if that's what developed with Nyota it still would be more than he had with anyone else on Earth. It disturbed him to find an emptiness that he had not known existed. This need of a feeling of closeness with someone was illogical. However it _was_ there. It seemed his mother's blood was more potent within him than he had originally thought.

Spock cleared his thoughts of the more inward analysis and read the Romulan translation. Spock was impressed. Nyota had recognized the Romulan roots in the Old Vulcan translation and used it to come up with a smooth and pleasing edition of it in modern Romulan. He put her perfect score on the top of the translation and then put the padd down. It was time to get ready to go. Now, the decision he had been putting off, uniform or Vulcan robe?

Spock arrived at the classroom doors at Seven thirty. Nyota was waiting for him. Spock was pleased that it seemed that she was as punctual as he was.

"Wow! I wanted to ask you to dress in Vulcan clothes but I thought you wouldn't do it!" Nyota exclaimed in delight when she saw that Spock wore his black Vulcan robe with the silver embroidery of a Vulcan chant of Surak. It was very light and was snug against his thin but well sculpted frame. Spock noticed that she blushed as she looked him over. Spock took this opportunity to take in what Nyota was wearing as well. She had on a tight pair of black cotton pants and a light blue blouse that looked radiant against her skin. Her hair was loose and lightly curled around her shoulders. He quickly distracted his thoughts away from Nyota's skin and hair in order to coherently reply.

"This robe is used for long journeys or days of traveling. I thought that since we are to do a lot of walking today it was logical to wear the appropriate attire in the Vulcan tradition," Spock said feeling awkward being the center of attention.

"It looks great on you Spock. I am glad you decided to wear it," Nyota said with a warm smile.

"I believe we only have ten minutes and thirty four seconds till the time to meet our transport to the exhibit," Spock replied, abruptly changing the subject.

"Oh, well let's get moving then," Nyota said as she gathered her purse.

The transport was preparing to depart when they arrived just in time to board. The other passengers stole a glance at Spock in his Vulcan attire. Spock was pleased that Nyota beamed with pride to be with him instead of being embarrassed at their stares.

When they arrived at the large center where the exhibit was being held it was obvious that this was a bigger deal than either of them had anticipated. Hundreds of people were either leaving or entering the building. It was safe to say that inside was going to be overwhelming.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that it was going to be this crazy," Nyota said looking tentatively at him. Spock thought she must think that the crowds would make him uncomfortable. Any other time and she would have been correct. Today, he was willing to brave it in order to spend time with Nyota.

"It is of no consequence Nyota, are you ready to proceed?" Spock asked motioning to the exhibit.

Nyota nodded and lead the way up the long elegant flight of stairs. When they finally entered the building it was as crowded and convoluted as they had imagined it would be. Together they wondered around looking at the different art and visual stimuli around the exhibit. The largest presentation hall was designated to Vulcan culture. Spock and Uhura walked in slowly behind the crowds. The people behind them were speaking in whispers about Spock, wondering if he was part of the exhibit. Only Spock's sharp hearing actually caught what they were saying, much to his relief.

"Oh Spock look, they have ambassador Sarek speaking today!" Uhura said excitedly. Spock barely kept his composure. He had forgotten that his father did indeed have business to attend to on earth this week. It was only logical that he would visit and critique the Vulcan culture exhibit. He could now see his father's sharp uncompromising features and dark hair dusted with grey in the distance. Before Spock could try to make some excuse to leave a reporter ran up to him.

"What do you think about Vulcans stance on the militarism of Star Fleet?"

"I…" Before Spock could finish he saw his father calmly walk to his side.

"Spock is Star Fleet and does not speak for Vulcan or my house," Sarek said firmly and took the interview into his own hands without even looking in his son's direction.

Spock took this opportunity and grabbed Nyota's hand and began to lead her out of the exhibit with hast.

"Spock stop, what is going on?"

Spock slowed to a stop for he did not want her angry with him.

"I will explain, but I must request we depart from here," Spock said, his face calm but his eyes were pleading with her to oblige him.

Nyota nodded and without another word followed behind Spock.

He did not stop again until they came to the edge of the near by railing that over looked the river. Spock was silent as he looked out across the blue tranquil waters. His eyes were sad and angry, though the struggle to try to hide both emotions was apparent. Spock looked down and realized that he still had Nyota's hand in his own. He let her hand go letting his fall limply to his side.

"Spock, are you ok?" Nyota asked her voice filled with concern. She tentatively put a hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, I apologize for taking you away from the exhibit. If you wish to return I will wait here until your visit is complete."

"No, I would probably end up hitting the very rude ambassador Sarek and that would not be good for Vulcan and earth relations," Nyota said with a smirk, wanting to lighten the mood. Nyota looked as if she was considering something then spoke again.

"How did he know your name?"

"Ambassador Sarek is my father, and I appreciate your restraint from assaulting him," Spock said, his eyes shining with amusement.

Nyota's eyes widened in shock and awe.

"You mean I have the equivalent of a prince of an entire planet as a teacher and I never knew it? Why wasn't this in your file?" Nyota blurted out before she caught her self.

"It is not in my file because it is confidential. All that it states is that I am half Vulcan and half human for medical purposes. Do you investigate all of your teachers Nyota?" Spock asked the corner of his mouth lifting slightly in his version of a smile.

"Only those who are my friend," Nyota said looking down at the water. Spock could tell that she had all kinds of inquires for him but kept them to herself.

Spock nearly smiled at Nyota's words. It made the disastrous meeting of his father worth it, to hear Nyota call him a friend.

"Then as a friend I should do something to make up for you missing the exhibit on my account. I have noticed that you are fond of music. I have a Vulcan lute back at my apartment, would you be interested in hearing it?" Spock asked.

Nyota's eyes shot up.

"You can play?" Nyota asked excitedly.

"Yes, but not extensively for quite some time," Spock said truthfully.

"I would love that, perhaps we could grab some lunch too. I'm starving," Nyota admitted.

"There is a vegetarian establishment near the academy. We could acquire sustenance there if that is agreeable," Spock suggested, primarily because it was the only restaurant that he knew.

"As long as they serve hot food I don't care," Nyota said her voice light and cheerful.

Spock and Nyota took the next transport back to the academy. They walked around the corner to the restaurant called, _Mims. _The restaurant was nearly deserted and they were quickly seated to a table for two. The waitress eyed Spock for a moment before taking their orders. Spock settled on a salad and altair water. Nyota ordered the eggplant wrap. After the waitress left Spock sat back, allowing him self to relax a little.

"I hope you don't mind my asking but, what transpired between you and your father?" Nyota asked in Vulcan so that they would not be overheard.

Spock took a deep breath and considered his answer.

"He does not approve of my choice to join Star Fleet over the Vulcan Science Academy. We have not spoken since I left Vulcan." Spock replied continuing in the language Nyota had chosen.

"So let me get this straight, two supposedly logical Vulcan males aren't speaking because of a career choice? That is …"

"Illogical, my mother said something very similar to your sentiment," Spock replied calmly, finishing Nyota's statement.

"Your mother sounds like a wise and patient woman."

"Yes she is."

Their conversation was cut short when the food arrived and they fell in to a comfortable silence as they ate.

Once the meal was completed they left the restaurant and made their way back to Spock's apartment. Of course Spock always left his living space immaculate which he was very grateful for as he opened the door and guided Nyota inside. She walked over to his coffee table and picked up the report that Spock had been working on this past week.

"I am decent at complex physics and mathematics and even chemistry but this I have never seen before," Nyota said looking at the padd with interest.

"No one has…yet" Spock said a little embarrassed it was not a complete formula and at the moment he was at a loss as how to finish it.

"Well I think it could use a little imagination," Nyota said a smile spread across her face as Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Elucidate," Spock requested his face as stone set as ever.

"Well I think I know what you're trying to do here and it's brilliant. You are attempting to increase energy out put from the warp core by focusing on another fusion possibility. However in order to do that you need to rethink your strategy. Sometimes new materials are the answer instead of beating a dead horse," Nyota said nervously.

Spock was enchanted and surprised. Since Nyota was not a scientist, he would not have thought that she would be able to translate the formula into exactly the function it was suppose to serve. However one part of her statement baffled him.

"I do not see how beating a dead Equine would affect the probability of the equations success or failure." Spock said with sincere naivety.

Nyota chuckled and rolled her eyes as she put the padd down.

"It's an expression Spock, never mind. What I am trying to say is that you need to look at other materials as possibilities," Nyota explained further.

"So I gathered from your earlier statement. I will consider it," Spock replied. He then walked over to where his lute was located in a far corner. He picked it up and tuned it by ear. Spock sat on his meditation mat as he prepared to play.

"What are you going to play?" Nyota asked as she sat on the couch and made her self comfortable.

"This is the musical rendition of the poem that I had you translate. I thought it would interest you to hear a musical translation as well."

"Very much so," Nyota said then falling into silence and waited for Spock to play.

Spock's thin graceful fingers caressed the strings lightly as he played. The music was slow, emotional and ran deep like the Vulcan emotions that have been repressed for centuries out of necessity. Spock noticed that half way through Nyota began to sing the words to the poem along with the melody. Her voice was lovely, and went well with the piece. When the song was finished Spock noticed that Nyota had moved from the couch to sit cross legged beside him.

"It was gorgeous Spock. Did you play professionally on Vulcan?" Nyota asked with a warm expression on her face.

"Only as a child," Spock said honestly. His father was only indulgent in his musical endeavors for so long.

"A prodigy, I should have known," Nyota said with mock annoyance in her voice.

"You have musical talent as well. Your voice is well trained," Spock said hoping his statement translated to Nyota as 'You have a lovely voice'.

"Thank you, I have been singing for as long as I can remember. My family loves music," Nyota replied.

Spock turned his head to look at her and now realized just how close they were sitting together.

Nyota's cheek almost touched his and he could feel her breath on his neck. Nyota became aware of their closeness as well and looked at Spock's face for a moment. Spock looked at her eyes and saw something smoldering within them. He could feel his own desire to touch her leap to the surface.

"It is getting late Nyota you should be getting back. I will walk you home," Spock stated quickly standing up, distancing him self from her.

"I guess you're right" Nyota said with a sigh. Without another word they left Spock's apartment. They talked more about other poems that Nyota wanted to try to translate into Romulan as they walked side by side. It did not take long for them to arrive at the girls dorms.

"It was a lovely day Spock, thank you." Nyota said softly as he accompanied her to the dorm door.

"Gratitude is not necessary when the enjoyment is mutual," Spock said not wanting his time with her to end.

"I will see you Monday Spock," Nyota said and then she disappeared behind the door.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N- Thanks so much for the support guys! It means a lot to me! Ok I took a few elements from Amok Time and then added my own stuff. Hey it's a new alternate reality right, why not?

**Chapter Four**

Spock heard his quarter's door chime but ignored it. He kept still lying on his bed trying to convince his body that it needed rest more than anything else.

"Spock, don't make me order you to open this door!" Jim Kirk's angry voice echoed. Spock sighed. He and Jim had indeed somehow built a strong friendship over the past few years despite their rough beginning. Spock knew that he was worried but was in no condition to rationally explain things to his friend. All he wanted was to be left alone until they reached Vulcan II. However, Jim was not a man to take 'Go away' as an answer twice.

"Unlock," Spock ordered the doors, his tone dripping with frustration.

With that voice command Jim briskly walked in and over to where Spock was lying on his side in bed.

"I derailed my mission in order to change course for Vulcan II without a clear explanation of what's wrong with you. I thought that since we were friends you would tell me when the time was right. But it's been two days since you made that request. You have been acting irrationally and now I hear it from Dr. McCoy that you are dying from something he has no idea even what it is. You have completely retreated to your quarters. To top it all off you have treated my communications officer like the plague when you two used to be inseparable. She is beside her self with worry and hurt even though she won't show it on the bridge. Now what in the hell is going on?"

Spock breathed in deeply and fought the urge to punch his friend in the face and toss him out of his quarters.

"I can not and will not converse with you about this. It is against the very essence of my culture," Spock answered as he turned and looked at Jim. His friends blue eyes were bright with emotion and his boyish face was tense.

"My God, you look like hell. I want to help but I can't if you won't talk to me!" Jim exclaimed as he took in Spock's exhausted and fevered appearance.

"Jim please, leave me alone, all I require from you is transport to Vulcan II!" Spock nearly growled, his control was hanging by a thread. Jim had never heard Spock speak with such emotion and the expression in his sharp dark eyes were near feral.

"Alright Spock, just remember you put me in this position. You are the best first officer in the fleet and I will not have you die on me. I order you to tell me what is wrong with you." Jim said giving Spock his "I am the captain' look he used on the bridge.

Spock sighed and closed his eyes. There was no way out of explaining the whole embarrassing situation to Jim now. Spock stood up from the bed putting his hands behind his back.

"It has to do with Biology…" Spock began but could not muster up the inclination to go on.

"Vulcan reproductive biology?" Kirk asked eyeing his friend slyly.

Spock nodded his head slowly letting it stay hung low after a moment. His whole face flushed a light green color.

"There's no need to be embarrassed Spock, it happens to the birds and the bees…"

The birds and the bees are not Vulcan's," Spock replied as he looked up indignantly.

With those words Spock began to explain as best as he was able about Pon Farr and its consequences. Spock could not help but think that this had to be the most excruciating conversation he had ever had. Vulcans do not even speak of Pon Farr among themselves much less to an outworlder, even if he was your friend. When Spock's explanation was done Jim slapped him on the shoulder.

"Have you told any of this to Uhura?" Jim asked despite the fact he already knew the answer.

"No and I do not intend to," Spock answered sternly.

"Why not? I thought you two were already…"

"That is none of your concern Jim," Spock snapped.

"You mean to tell me that you have had that hot woman in your possession for over two years and you've never…" Jim stopped his sentence in his tracks. Spock's glare reminded him that his friend was not in his right mind at the moment and antagonizing him was not the smartest move.

"Look, all I am saying is think about it. She obviously cares about you to be with you this long. In my opinion it beats the alternative to going to Vulcan II and marrying a woman you haven't see since you were seven," Jim stated calmly.

"I have thought of nothing else of late," Spock said a little more calmly.

"Ok, don't worry I will get you to Vulcan II, after that just do what you feel is right," Jim said, with that friendly advice and his dashing smile he left Spock's quarters.

Spock collapsed back on his bed to once again try to sleep. His mind however kept nagging him with the memory of when he and Nyota had in fact become romantically involved…

Spock's apartment was warm thanks to the mid-day May sun. He sat at his computer as ate his breakfast. He wanted to look at his class roster for the summer before Nyota arrived for their lute lesson. He was curious to see which time Nyota had chosen for his Romulan II class.

Spock enjoyed the routine that had developed between him and Nyota for the past several months. Weekday mornings they had their two hour private study session together. Afterwards they would go to lunch. Saturday morning's Nyota would meet Spock at his quarters for lessons on the lute and she would also help him work on his projects. Spock was a little nervous that his motives would be questioned when a student spent so much time at his quarters. However, Nyota was discreet and did not broadcast the fact that she was spending time there to anyone. This eased his tension about the whole issue.

Spock brought his thoughts to the present and opened his file of classes and selected Romulan II. He looked at the list for several moments checking it over several times. The results were the same, Nyota was not registered for his class. This was odd since she had expressed an interest in taking his Romulan class when he had informed her that he would be teaching it over the summer. Nyota had even told him that she was only going home for only a short visit and would be returning to the academy so he logically assumed she would be taking his Romulan II class.

Spock was now concerned, perhaps she would be leaving for the entirety of the summer. Sock looked at her registration file. He found that she had elected to take the Romulan class with Commander Rilson.

When Spock first read this he took a deep breath and claimed to himself that he felt nothing about it. Nyota was free to choose her own classes and with whom she was going to take them. After a few hours he realized that his thoughts were still fixated on Nyota's decision and he did indeed feel something about it. He tried to pass it off as annoyance but the ache inside grew until he realized that it was what humans would call 'hurt'.

He wondered if he had said or done something to make her upset with him. There was only a five point two percent chance that Nyota could misconstrued what he had said into a negative comment. However he knew he had a tendency to say things in a direct manner that was sometimes unpleasant to humans. Perhaps she was just becoming tired of his company and would want to discontinue their other times together as well? Spock then realized that he was thinking illogically. Nyota was very logical for a human and if she wanted to lessen their time together she would have told him so directly. It did not help his peace of mind that Nyota was now thirty minutes late. It was not like her to not be punctual.

Spock began to be disturbed by his preoccupation with Nyota in his thoughts. His natural emotional shield that encompassed his emotions was weakening over the past few months. It was just so easy to let his human weakness break through his shield with Nyota. Her warmth and intelligence made it hard for logic to contain his human responses. Strong Responses that he did not have enough experience with to understand. He decided that perhaps it _was_ a good idea if he and Nyota lessened the amount of time they were in each others company.

He needed to bring himself to a balance and focus on his Vulcan discipline. He decided to meditate. He sat down on his mat and lit his candles. He focused on his mental and emotional shield that he imagined as a steel wall with an opening that only he had access to. He gathered his insecurity about Nyota's friendship with him and his feelings for her in a mental restrain. He examined the tangled web of streams of emotions for a moment. There was one that he had not known was there.

It was fascinating because of strength and exuberance. It was intermixed with embarrassment, hurt, fear and doubt but this one stood out amongst them. He could not identify it since he had never experienced it before. Spock decided that it was a pleasant emotion, gentle and soothing. There were emotions that were similar that he had examined before but never in this same context. He used his Vulcan training to push the web of restrained emotions through an opening to his steel wall and closed it tightly. He felt normal and in control as a calm aura centered in his mind. That is until his door chimed.

Spock got up from his meditation mat and calmly answered the door. There stood Nyota in a spaghetti strap peach colored sun dress. Her hair was worn down across her shoulders as was custom during her non academy hours. Spock noticed that her expression was soft but not as bright as it usually was when she came to visit him.

"Come in" Spock gestured as he opened the door wide enough for her to enter. Nyota walked in and put her bag on the coffee table. She walked over to his meditation area and took a deep breath.

"Were you meditating?" She asked without looking at him.

"Briefly," Spock replied with a coolness that would have made his father proud. Nyota turned to look at him this time.

"I am sorry I am late, I got caught having to help my room mate pack," She informed him with a smile.

"There is no situate time for our lessons Nyota," Spock said with the same distant tone. He moved into the living room and began to tune the lute.

Nyota looked at him for a moment and then sighed.

"You saw that I am not in your class this summer didn't you?" Nyota said as she sat on the couch.

"I have," Spock said in a tone that made it seem as if it was the most inconsequential thing he had ever heard. What he did not understand how she had come to that correct assumption?

"Well, don't you want to know why?" Nyota asked looking him in the eyes.

"It is your decision, if you desire a different teacher for Romulan II it is none of my concern," Spock replied in his detached Vulcan tone he used when teaching class. Spock knew that he was not exactly lying but very close to it.

"None of your concern? Do you realize how you sound right now? What happened to my friend that was here just a few days ago?" Nyota asked her words were strong but her hurt muffled them a little. Spock blinked nervously, he did not know how to reply. Nyota had never been so emotional or said such things to him before. Not getting any response Nyota grabbed her bag and quickly left the apartment.

Spock was truly baffled as he watched her walk out the door. He had merely tried to employ his Vulcan control to keep his emotions from causing the very same outcome that had happened anyway. The more he replayed the conversation in his mind, the more he realized that he had not done that at all. His emotions _had _seeped into his responses and the tone he used. He had reflexively pushed her away because she had picked up on the fact that he had indeed been hurt by her actions. Spock could not deny that showing emotion embarrassed him and retreating was his natural defense. What he did not understand was her reaction. Spock thought it over for a moment and decided that it was illogical to leave the conversation without any understanding on his part of what had occurred. He would follow her and bring this to a logical conclusion.

It did not take long for Spock to find Nyota once he knew that she had not gone back to her room. He found her sitting by a stream on the academy recreational park. When the weather became warm Nyota insisted that they hold a few of their lute lessons here and being fond of the warmth himself, he obliged.

Spock walked up and took a seat beside her. He was glad that the other students usually did not take advantage of the park and they were alone.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left like that, it was cowardly of me," Nyota said throwing a stone into the water.

"An apology is not necessary," Spock said his tone was longer distant.

Nyota sighed, and did not look as if she was going to speak again. Spock decided to ask a query that Nyota had obviously expected of him. He no longer denied that he really did want to hear the answer as well.

"May I inquire as to why you are not enrolled in my class?" Spock asked. His eyes now softer and showed his sincerity.

Nyota looked at him with a look of dread and surprise on her face.

"Now that you asked, I am not sure I really want to answer," Nyota replied in almost a whisper.

"Nyota, you do not have to fear my reaction or your embarrassment. If you simply want less of my company I will oblige to your wishes," Spock reassured in a low and sincere tone that was reserved only for his mother and her.

Nyota stood up, she had and exasperated look on her face. Spock stood up as well tilting his head slightly awaiting her response.

"Spock, I swear if we communicate any less effectively today we would be speaking two different languages!"

Before Spock could point out that she had not answered his query Nyota walk up to him and closed the distance between them. She quickly pressed her cool lips to his passionately. Spock's mental and emotional steel wall melted beneath the fire of her touch. He could begin to feel her mind and emotions as an electric jolt sent shivers down his spine. It seemed that he was wrong about his defenses, Nyota had a key of all her own. He put his arms around her and pulled her even closer and kissed her back with sincere need and lust. Nyota gave in and slightly opened her mouth and Spock accepted the invitation.

All of Spock's daemons disappeared under her spell. His outcast days of being taunted by his peers as a child on Vulcan, his fathers disappointment in his too human son, these wounds lost their power over him. Nyota battled them away as he telepathically sensed her feelings for him. Her complete acceptance for all the he was created a protective shield of all its own. This emotional comfort aroused him almost as much as Nyota's firm and feminine body in his arms. Then, reason returned and he remembered that if he let this go on she would be bonded to him, something that neither of them were prepared for. He gently took his mouth away from hers but he kept his arms around her. He could feel the telepathic link weakening a bit.

"Teacher and student can't kiss like that under regulations. I thought that if I wasn't your student anymore then you would be more open to the idea," Nyota said breathlessly. She gently moved out of his embrace and he let her. She moved a few steps away but kept her eyes on Spock's face. Spock reasoned that his was because she was expecting a rejection and did not want to be held when the proverbial axe fell.

"Nyota, there are many things to calculate in a situation like this besides the obvious fact that we would be risking our careers. A relationship would be illogical, I am Vulcan, there will be times when we do not understand each other, like today. I don't know if I am able to please you emotionally or physically," Spock replied letting out a breath he did not know he was holding. He felt that Nyota deserved better than a man who would have to battle his own nature in order to show her how he felt about her. From what he had been told, his mother and father often had trouble accepting their differences especially early on in their relationship. It only got more difficult as their marriage progressed. He did not want to hurt Nyota the way his father sometimes hurt his mother, unintentional or not.

"Our time together over the last few months have been very emotionally fulfilling for me. As for the physical I think we just proved that we do desire each other. As for our careers, they will be quite safe if no one knows," Nyota countered calmly with a mischievous glint in her almond shaped eyes.

Spock knew that she had won, he did not have the will to fight it any more. He did indeed desire her, the arousal that Nyota caused in him was obvious. If they had been in his quarters he had a vague idea of what would have transpired. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before. He had assumed that since his Vulcan half was dominant the desire to mate would occur only once every seven years. His human half however was more than willing. As much as he did not want to admit to human weakness, emotionally he desired Nyota as well. He wanted her in every way and the fact that she reciprocated his interest made his logic fail to come up with another argument.

"Regardless of our romantic involvement, you will be in my Romulan II class," Spock said, one corner of his mouth lifted slightly.

Nyota smiled and put her arm around his. Without a word they began to enjoy a walk around the lovely park. Both were grateful that for the moment, they had it all to themselves.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- Thanks guys for hanging in there with me! Yeah my martial arts roots took over a little in this chapter, hope you don't mind ******** Let me know what you think!**

**Chapter Five**

Spock decided that since he still couldn't sleep that he would do something constructive. He turned on his light and went over to the computer and sat down. He checked his messages and found there were Twenty one all together. However one was most unexpected. It was from his elder self; out of curiosity he opened it. He looked at the computer screen with a blank expression for a moment.

_Do not fear_

That was the entirety of the message his elder self had sent him. There were twenty more from Nyota that had not bothered to read because he knew what the messages held. She was angry, hurt, worried and he was not able to cope with that right now. He had never intended for things to go this way. He had hoped for the best case scenario, his human blood would do something useful and spare him the blood fever. If not, then he thought he would have the time to explain things logically to Nyota and she would not be left scared in the dark. However the blood fever hit fast and hard, he had no warning before it had already began to destroy his emotional control.

He did fear, he feared if he saw his Nyota that he would no longer be able to control himself. She was human and fragile. His primal need that fevered and sickened his body would possess and destroy her if he let it. He could not let that happen. He would die first.

Spock had a transmission of his own that needed to be sent. He thought about his wording for a while and then composed his message.

_T'Pring, _

_your willingness to meet me at the sacred grounds is logical and shows you to be an exemplary Vulcan Woman. However I am compelled to release you of our marriage contract. Our bond, as you no doubt already noticed, is gone. The only explanation I can truly give, is one that has haunted me for all of my days. I am too human._

_S'chn T'gai Spock_

Spock checked it over once again and then with a shaky hand sent the message. This was his choice. It would be a dignified private death on Vulcan II, the remaining priests and healers would see to that. This he could handle over bonding with someone other than his Nyota. It was the only path he could face. It went against his sense of duty but he did not see another way. This decision had already been made for him since the day he realized he loved her. That was a day of great fear as well…

* * *

Spock gave Nyota a look of calm challenge as they stood in the gym martial arts training area. Nyota grinned and then launched her attack. A double back kick, Spock was almost amused. She was going easy on him. Spock dodged the first blow and then quickly blocked the second. He used her body's weight against her as he caught her arm that was now within his grasp and threw to her to mat.

"Illogical move, my Nyota," Spock teased in Vulcan before he helped her up.

"I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention," Nyota replied in Vulcan. She then took her index and middle finger and lightly brushed them against Spock's palm. His breath caught and his attention was successfully diverted. Nyota took advantage of this and presented him with her usual expert and furious attack. He blocked what was to fast to dodge and then he countered with quick fluid movements taught to Valkinar from childhood. To a human observer it would look like a mix of Kung Fu and dance. He decided to teach her because its dance like qualities made it easier for Nyota to take to it. They practiced in the very early morning hours since the gym was usually deserted until around 0600 A.M. After a few more back and forth hits, Spock's long and agile legs caught Nyota's and she soon found her self once again on the ground.

"You are just too damn fast," Nyota said breathlessly as Spock helped her up…again.

"Your skills are improving. However, resorting to cheating does not become you," Spock replied with his notorious raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, a lot of good it did me. I'm not sure that only landing on my butt every _other_ move should be considered an improvement," Nyota joked.

"We should get ready to board the transport," Spock advised, his internal and always accurate clock told him that they had two hours to shower and pack. Nyota nodded and they left the gym side by side.

An hour later Nyota arrived at Spock's apartment with her old and tattered light blue suit case in hand. She walked in and put her case next to Spock's pristine plain black one he had brought when he first came to earth.

Spock knew that Nyota had a power over him. That would be the only explanation he could come up with for agreeing to spend the weekend with Nyota's family. It was not that he did not want to meet her family. He was more then curious to meet them. However, his relationship with Nyota had been building slowly over the past year. They both had decided to take things one day at a time. They continued to enjoy their normal routine together, with a few added pleasures. Nyota seemed to be comfortable with the restrictions of their physical displays of affection. He could remember the night that the conversation about their physical relationship took place…

* * *

Nyota had cooked Spock dinner at his apartment for the first time. She prepared vegetarian lasagna. Spock ate a healthy portion of the meal; she was indeed a good cook. He sighed as he watched her eat. What was she to him now? It was only a week ago that they their relationship had shifted to a more romantic nature. He supposed that she was what human terminology would label as his girl friend. Spock thought that the term 'girlfriend' did not adequately name her association to him. He made a mental note to look at some ancient Vulcan text and see if he could find a suitable label for his Nyota. He believed that she would find this pleasing.

He was brought out of his thoughts by the sight of the candle light reflecting off of her skin in the most sensual way that Spock had ever seen. The soft colors of her blouse along with the candle light made her skin even more radiant. He just stared at the beautiful woman that he had the good fortune to spend time with. He didn't really believe in luck, but he thought that the human expression fit anyway.

"You're quiet tonight. Did you enjoy the lasagna?" Nyota asked breaking the long silence.

"The meal was most satisfactory. The reason for my silence is simply that I was analyzing the affects of the candle light on your aesthetically pleasing features," Spock replied softly as he continued to stare.

"Why Spock, you are dangerously close to telling me that you think I am beautiful," Nyota teased with a seductive grin. Nyota got up and grabbed Spock's hand and guided him to the couch. Spock was going to mention that they had not cleaned up after the meal when Nyota leaned in close to where he sat and ran her tongue across his pointed ear. Suddenly he had forgotten what it was he was going to say. Spock breathed in deeply and put his arms around her waist pulling her close. _How did she do this to him?_ He wondered as he pulled her on top of him for a kiss.

Their kiss was passionate and even more heated that their first. Nyota moaned as Spock's hand tentatively slid under her shirt to caress her slender stomach. He could feel the warm singe of his telepathy connecting to her. It exhilarated him and aroused him. Nyota took off her shirt and guided his hand up a little, giving him permission to feel as he pleased. His hands slowly explored Nyota's firm breast as he removed her black bra. Both of their breaths quickened at the contact. Nyota pulled away from their kiss and grabbed Spock's black T-shirt and pulled it over his head. She ran her fingers over his chest. He knew at this moment could not make a coherent sentence if he tried.

Nyota's kissed his neck and traveled down to his shoulders. Unexpectedly she stopped. Spock had to force back a groan in disappointment. She laid his hand in hers looking at it for a moment. She caressed her middle and index fingers to Spock's. He shivered and all coherent thought was driven out of his mind. The pure sensation that he felt through his whole body was almost over whelming. With a groan he continued the Vulcan Kiss for a moment and then rolled on top of Nyota.

He kissed her furiously, keeping their hands in contact. An emotional flood of Nyota's consciousness came into his mind adding to his pleasure. Nyota began to lower her free hand and caressed his erection through his pants. Spock's eyes rolled back and his breathing now nearly stopped. She began to unbutton his slacks; his hands were already working on Nyota's. The emotions that he could feel from her gradually became louder, now screaming in his head as if they were becoming his own. He froze, his reasoning abilities coming back full force. He shakily got up off of Nyota and turned away from her. He had to collect himself. It was inexcusable to totally lose his control this way, he was ashamed.

Nyota stayed on the couch catching her breath. After a few moments she got up and put her shirt back on.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you too far," Nyota said timidly. The rejection she felt was plain on her face.

"Do not be sorry. It was pleasurable I assure you," Spock replied as he turned to look at her again. Some of his control returned to his features.

"Then why did you stop?" Nyota asked, with concern in her voice not bitterness.

"Nyota there are things we need to discuss, apparently a lot sooner than I anticipated," Spock said with a slight flush to his face.

"Alright," Nyota said with a smile, glad that he was going to talk about it and not withdraw from her.

Spock took a deep breath and sat back on the couch. Nyota did the same and rested her head on his shoulder. He began stroked her hair.

"I believe the best way to begin, is to tell you that I have never engaged in sexual intercourse," Spock said bluntly. He watched for Nyota's reaction.

"I figured that, I have studied Vulcan culture you know. And since we are being open about his, I should tell you that neither have I," Nyota replied without any hesitance in her voice.

"I am surprised. Human attitudes toward sexual relations are different from Vulcans. In Vulcan culture, engaging in a sexual relationship is equivalent to marriage. There is no separation between the two. A telepathic bond forms between a Vulcan married couple during such contact. It binds them emotionally and mentally together, for life."

"That, I didn't know, I should have figured though. Is that the strange sensation that I felt when we touched, a bond beginning to form?" Nyota asked, her eyes brightened with curiosity.

"Yes, but it is not complete. However, if we would have continued, it would have completed and it is nearly irreversible. It seems mentally we are extremely compatible," Spock explained, hoping she would understand now, why he had to stop.

"Well, if you're trying to tell me that you want to wait until marriage, I understand. Especially now I know about the telepathic bond. You see, I hold a similar view. It doesn't have to be marriage, but it does have to be someone I care deeply for," Nyota said with a smile.

Spock felt a wave of relief as he heard her words. He had feared that this conversation would be more difficult.

"You have not 'cared deeply' as you put it, for anyone enough to consider having a sexual relationship?" Spock asked, unable to stop from voicing his curiosity.

"Only one," Nyota replied with a wink. Spock's eye brow rose as she considered her words but made no comment. Nyota got up grabbed Spock's t-shirt and handed it to him.

"Now if you don't mind, I am going to use your bathroom to take the coldest shower in history."

* * *

Spock's reminiscing was interrupted by Nyota asking him if he remember to pack his lute.

"Yes, it is wrapped and set in my case," Spock answered. He took a deep breath to center his emotions.

Spock was not sure what her family would expect of him; or of his relationship with Nyota. For that matter; he did not know how they would respond to the fact that he was half Vulcan.

"Are you worried about meeting my parents?" Nyota asked.

"No, it would be illogical to be anxious about a simple family gathering," Spock replied, his voice neutral. It was times like this, that it could be an inconvenience that Nyota could read him so well.

"You're nervous," Nyota said as a fact.

"Don't worry, they will love you. They will be just happy that you don't have numerous tattoos and piercings. The fact that you are a genius will be in your favor too," Nyota continued putting her hand in his.

"Have you introduced many men to your parents of that description?" Spock asked in his version of a teasing tone.

Nyota got an overdramatic incredulous look on her face.

"Ouch Spock, what kind of girl do you think I am?"

After nearly a year in Nyota's company Spock had learned to tell when she was teasing him.

"You would be the first I actually have brought home. They may be a little nosy and crowding, but they will be nice," She promised.

Spock pulled Nyota into a hug and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"You should depart or you will be in danger of missing your transport," Spock informed her as he let her out of his embrace.

"Good-bye to you too Spock" Nyota replied with a smile.

Nyota left Spock's apartment to board the first transport. He would follow a few hours later on the next one available. Their relationship still had to be kept secret from prying Star Fleet eyes. It would be too obvious if they boarded a transport together for her home country. At first he had signed to take the same transport as Nyota but thought better of it after thinking it over. After half and hour went by Spock's computer beeped informing him that there was an incoming transmission. Spock got up from his meditation mat and answered the call.

The screen hummed and then showed the image of a balding middle aged man in a Star Fleet uniform. Spock recognized him as the senior security officer.

"Commander Spock, I have some disturbing news. The transport that you were supposed to board, 15701, crashed soon after take off. The cause is still to be determined but it is speculated that an explosive was involved."

"Were there any survivors?" Spock asked holding his breath as he awaited the answer.

"No commander," The security chief said solemnly.

"I want to see all evidence that is compiled from the wreckage," Spock replied his voice devoid of any emotional reaction.

"I thought you might, you are aware that there are several groups out there who don't like the fact that you are here, commander."

"I am aware of this fact. The first order of business to be dealt with is to keep my name from being mentioned in the media reports. That is, unless you desire a full scale war with Vulcan. I will be at your office in fifteen minutes, Spock out,"

Spock ended the transmission and his hand stayed on the computer consol for a moment. Suddenly Spock dropped to his knees. His strength had given out. Spock's breathing quickened as his emotional shield threatened to break under the strain of his unexpectedly powerful grief and anger. Nyota was dead, and it was his fault. He closed his eyes and by sheer force of will calmed his breathing and strengthened his emotional shield. He had to be able to function in order to help find and destroy Nyota's murderer.

The afternoon was spent analyzing pieces of debris with all of the scientific knowledge and equipment Spock possessed. He had a full report on his CO's desk by midnight. He had found a residue and materials on the bomb that was only found in engineering lab. Who ever did this was in all probability, a fellow teacher or student. Spock calculated that there was a ninety-Seven point five percent chance, to be exact. More importantly than all of that, were the patches of finger prints that he was able to piece together.

Spock waited in the lab as the prints were being analyzed, and checked against the database by his colleague Lt. Mendelson. Spock could have done this himself of course. He also knew that there were times when it was logical to let the expert in the field do their job.

"Here you go Commander, I have to say, he deserves what he gets. Fifty people, what a waste," Lt. Mendelson said as he handed the results to Spock and shook his head.

"Thank you Lieutenant, I appreciate your efficiency. I realize it was an inconvenient hour," Spock replied and left Lieutenant's office without another word.

The science lab was dark accept for Commander Spock's work area. The debris from the ship laid in an organized fashion on the examining table. Spock stared at his view Screen taking notes. The doors to the lab opened and a young dark haired young man, armed with a phaser walked in. He lifted his weapon fired it directly at Spock. The phaser beam went through Spock as if he was a ghost.

"Welcome Commander Williams. You have failed, again to hit your intended target," Spock said coming out of the shadows directly behind Commander Williams. His eyes widened, dropping his weapon in shock. He turned to face Spock.

"A holographic image; very clever Vulcan. I have worked my whole life in science. Here you come, and in no time they are all but handing over the whole science division to you. You and your Vulcan brothers will dominate this planet. You all but say that you think Vulcans are superior to humans. Well I am going to prove that isn't so!"

Now finished with his heated rant; Williams swung his fist at Spock's face. Spock dodged it easily and countered with a hard and direct hit to Williams' ribs. Spock could feel at least one crack under his knuckles. Spock had wanted this; an excuse to beat this man to an inch of his life. Williams quickly recovered and grabbed a near by metal rod from an examining table. He hit Spock in the side as hard as he could to get the angry Vulcan away from him. The hit did not even phase Spock. The Vulcan growled as he fluidly landed a punch and to Williams jaw. Then before Williams had time to recover Spock followed through with a blindingly fast kick. Williams didn't even know what had hit him as he fell to floor nearly unconscious.

Spock looked down at the pathetic man for a moment.

"You murdered fifty in order to kill me. One of them was my student, and friend. I hope that knowledge comforts you where you are going," Spock replied, his tone was ice, not emotionless, but a deadly coldness.

Spock grabbed Commander Williams by the throat and lifted him up off the ground. Spock watched the man try to squirm out of his grip with madness like amusement. In this temperament, for the first time in his life; he reminded himself of his father. Sarek's protectiveness of his wife was the closest thing to emotion his father ever outwardly expressed. That's when it hit him, with his hands choking the life out of the human who was responsible for her death. He _loved_ Nyota. He would have blood on his hands for her. The emotion he could not identify when he examined it was the bright beginnings of love.

"Spock, put the bastard down son," Captain pike ordered calmly. Spock snapped out of his blind fury when he heard his friend's voice. He had not heard Captain Pike and the security crew enter the science lab.

Spock slowly put Williams on his feet and released him. Williams coughed and inhaled air in to his lungs furiously. The security team seized the murdering commander and took him away.

"Are you alright?" Captain Pike asked as he looked at Spock.

"Yes, thank you Captain Pike," Spock replied, taking a deep breath he gathered his control once again.

Spock went back to his apartment after his report was made of what had transpired. He headed straight into his bathroom and undressed, in preparation for a sonic shower. A feeling of being tainted and unclean filled him. Spock knew that it was purely from the violence that he inflicted upon Williams and was illogical. However he couldn't ignore it. He entered the shower chamber and turned it on. He let the sonic rays cleans him as he stood motionless.

Now alone and without a crisis to attend too, Spock's emotions demanded his attention. All at once, as he stood there trying to feel like him self again; his steel emotional shield completely shattered. It took all his control and Vulcan training to not allow him self to give in to his grief. He sat down on the shower floor and fought a battle for his sanity. Nyota left a large gaping whole that Spock had only now realized that she had filled.

Spock didn't know how long he had been there on the floor; hours probably. Dawn began to peak through the small bathroom window. It took at least that long for him to slowly rebuild his emotional shield. His comfortable steel wall that he had clung too all his life had to be rebuilt in order to survive. Spock was relieved to find that the shield was weak; but it was at least there again. He got up and managed to get him self into bed. He fell into a troubled sleep, for no other reason than being awake was too excruciating.

Spock was slowly awoken by a distinct and recognizable sound. The computer was informing him that a message has been received. Spock sighed and got up out of bed. It was very likely could be a summons. Star Fleet could want more interrogation as to his actions the following night.

He turned on a light and sat down to the computer. From the heading on the screen Spock could see that the message was from the security chief.

"Play message"

_Commander Spock,_

_Just thought you would like to know that rescue did find a couple of survivors late last night. Apparently they were hard to find due to the large space to search and bad weather. One is a student of yours so I figured you would be interested. She had a severe head injury and they only found her identification and few hours ago. Nyota Uhura, I believe is her name. Medics said she would be fine and would be transported back to the academy in a few days. Thanks for your help last night. Goodbye Commander._

Spock just sat there, letting the news fill him. His Nyota was alive. The complexity of emotions this caused was overwhelming. His weak and battered emotional shield could barely process it.

Spock felt water drip off of the side of his cheek. He reached up to wipe it away. He then realized that tears had escaped his eyes without his notice. It was illogical, he thought, to weep now that he knew Nyota would return to him. His own biological and emotional response confused him. Spock could not bring himself to think anymore about it. His shattered world was reconstructed with one simple message, and nothing else mattered.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N-** Thanks everyone for the awesome reviews. Thank you also to MirandaRiver for being a great beta!! I am using italics to represent Spock's memories. It was brought to my attention that it would make it easier to follow, I hope it works! Hope you guys enjoy this, please review and let me know what you think!

**Chapter Six**

The dark thoughts of the time he thought he had lost Nyota did little to help him sleep. He opened his eyes and looked up at the shadows on the metal ceiling, pulling the blanket up to his bare chest. The fever made the cool ship air feel nearly intolerable against his damp and hot skin. The few hours that he actually dosed, were full of images of things he wished could be forgotten. He watched himself choke Williams. The dream then shifted to his mother falling from the cliff's ledge on Vulcan, his arm was as always, held out desperately trying to catch her; but pulling nothing but air. Her dark eyes that were so much like his own haunt him as he watched her fall. He had failed her and his planet. So many innocent people died because of him. Just like the forty eight passengers that had died on the crash. When would his actions stop hurting the ones he cared about most. Even now as he sat there in his quarters he knew he was hurting Nyota. If he went through with his plan and slipped away to Vulcan II and never returned; he would hurt her even more. What was even worse was the fact that he had broken his promise.

Spock groaned in frustration and turned over in his bed to switch which side he laid on. Now it seemed his set course of action was not looking too promising. If only he could think clearly. The fever was hindering his cognitive skills and made him think irrationally. He could not trust his own judgment. That was beyond a doubt the worst part of Pon Farr, he decided. His thoughts of his illogical actions brought his memory back to his time at the academy with Nyota. When a promise was made a month after the transporter accident…

* * *

_Spock looked at his computations for a few moments, feeling that finally he was making progress. The fusion he was trying to make work was indeed fruitless as Nyota had pointed out many months before. The Enterprise would be ready within months for trial runs and he needed to finish the warp drive efficiency improvements quickly. The model that displayed on his computer screen was something made of an entirely new material that would be added to the warp core. _

_Spock's apartment door chimed unexpectedly and interrupted his analysis of the model. He raised himself from his computer to answer it. To his surprise, Nyota was there. She was back in her red skirt uniform that he was accustomed to seeing her in during the week. She looked a little tired and bruised but in sufficient condition other wise. Especially when Spock considered the fact that she was in a transport crash only a month before. He stood back to let Nyota come in. She quickly walked inside, her expression was rigid. It was not long before Nyota turned to face Spock. He prepared for her imminent scolding._

"_I know you have been avoiding me since I came back, and I almost decided not to even bother coming here. However I have been made aware of some things that we need to discuss." Nyota said in a calm tone, but her eyes were full of fury._

_Spock nodded in recognition but said nothing in reply. His face still set in perfect calm and Vulcan resolve._

"_I heard about what happened and Commander Williams was behind it," Nyota said when Spock did not reply. _

"_Yes, he has been scheduled for trial on forty-eight counts of murder and two attempted murder charges."_

"_I know, you are supposed to appear as well. How are you involved with all this?"_

"_I was the one who collected and analyzed the evidence in the case," Spock answered still giving nothing away by his tone or expression._

"_You were never going to tell me where you? You were going to keep it to your self that this maniac tried to kill you, twice!" Nyota replied heatedly, her tone sliced with pure anger._

_Spock took a deep breath. He had not been prepared for Nyota to know the truth. That was part of the reason for his avoidance of her of late. _

"_I did not think that it was of importance. The fact remains that he will face justice for his crime." _

"_It's important to me! Spock, you must know by now how I feel about you. Despite the fact that you don't reciprocate those feelings; I thought that at least we were friends enough for you to be honest with me!" Nyota said her voice fell into a weak sob. _

_Spock couldn't bear to watch Nyota's tears fall because of him. He believed that he was doing the right thing, but as he saw the hurt he had caused he was no longer sure. He knew as he watched her come emotionally unhinged before him that an explanation must be given._

"_Nyota, believe me when I say that your assumption that I do not reciprocate your feelings, is in error." Spock replied as he moved closer to Nyota. His hand flinched slightly as he almost reached out to touch her, but then thought better of it. It took all that he had to say those words. It went against all that his Vulcan upbringing had taught him. To admit to feelings was as foreign to him as the cold winters that he had witnessed on this planet._

"_You were right Spock. This is one of those times we do not understand each other isn't it? To my human eyes you have not been treating me like someone you care for. In fact, it seems that if I would have died on that transport you wouldn't have been affected at all," Nyota said quickly as she tried to calm her sobs to speak more clearly. _

_Spock's eyes widened slightly. Her words wounded him more than if she had slapped him. He tried to find a reply that would correct this horrifying situation._

"_I'm sorry, that was unfair of me. My emotional outburst must seem so ridiculous to you. I have just been so scared for you since I heard about what happened. Then when you wouldn't see or even speak to me when I got back…it hurt Spock," Nyota said more calmly as she wiped her tears form her face. She turned to leave his apartment since she told him what she had come to say. Nyota wanted to save what little dignity she had left. _

_Spock reached out and grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. He could not let her think these things of him._

"_It was never my intention to hurt you in this manner. You were correct that two attempts have been made on my life. They were not the first since I have joined Star Fleet. By keeping you from my company I was attempting to protect you. When I thought you had been killed on that transport…" Spock could not finish his sentence. The raw emotions of grief for Nyota and hatred for Williams threatened to resurface from its deep restraints._

_Nyota looked at him with expectancy in her moist eyes. He knew he was going to have to say what she desperately needed to hear. He swallowed and then decided to continue._

"_I lost my self to my anger and grief. I almost…Killed Williams out of revenge for taking you from me. I was choking the life from him when security and Captain Pike arrived. If they had not come it would have been me on trial for murder. I am not proud of what I had done. That is why I did not tell you about Williams' attempt to kill me," Spock finished, his voice was deep from attempting to hide the emotion from his tone. He had never bared his soul so completely, not even to his mother. He felt vulnerable and unnaturally human._

_Nyota's looked at Spock for a moment, her eyes softened as she took in his words. She pulled him into a hug, which he warmly accepted._

"_Promise me you will never shut me out like this again. I can make up my own mind when I need to be protected. And as for what happened with Williams, we all lose control sometimes. I would never think less of you." _

_Spock sighed and began to brush her hair with his hand in the way that had become familiar between them. _

"_I promise."_

* * *

"Mr. Spock, if you're able, I need you." Kirk sent through the comm and interrupted Spock's incoherent thoughts and memories.

He got up off the bed and unsteadily made it to the comm, and pressed the button to respond.

"What is it Captain?" Spock asked with as much of a neutral tone as he could muster.

"We are getting some strange readings from a phenomenon ahead."

This sounded like a normal day on the bridge to Spock, there had to be something else.

"Is it possible to transfer the information you have accumulated to my quarters?" Spock asked.

"Negative Mr. Spock; I want you on the bridge for this."

"Understood captain. I am on my way, Spock out."

Spock ran some warm water over his face and neck. He took long deep breaths to center his thoughts and emotions. He put on his uniform and his boots and began to feel slightly more in control. With renewed concentration, he left for the bridge. Spock almost resented the fact that there was nothing like Jim playing the 'I need you', angle to get him thinking a more like a commander. Spock knew that it was this kind of ability that Jim possessed, that made him a formidable opponent in chess. Spock did not want to show himself on the bridge but knew he had no choice. The crew trusted him to be there when he was needed. His word and honor would be tarnished if he abandoned them now. The blood fever would not control him. Spock chanted this to him self all through the corridors and up the turbo lift to the bridge.

The bridge was buzzing with activity and to Spock's relief no one stared or made any comment when he entered from the turbo lift. He knew he did not look like the calm first officer that the crew was familiar with, however he would do what he could. The sounds of the computers and scanners were soothing, and it reminded him how much he missed being on the bridge over the past few days. This is where he was useful, considered one of the best in his field. Neither his mother's blood nor his Vulcan blood mattered, only his performance. Because of this, the Enterprise became a comfort to him and the bridge a place for him to grow.

Spock nodded to Jim who grinned in acknowledgment from the command chair that his first officer was reporting for duty. Fortuitously, Nyota was too busy translating a code that was being transmitted somewhere nearby and did not even look in his direction. Spock only glanced at his Nyota and wished he hadn't. All of the control he had conjured over the past half hour almost left him in an instant. Her lovely chocolate skin and her thin athletic body called to his fevered body mercilessly. Nyota's scent of Jasmine and feminine pheromones cruelly hit his nostrils. His blood began to race and he could feel his temperature raising even higher, the blood fever demanded its payment. Spock quickly made his way past her and with more strength than he thought he possessed, he gathered his coherency again.

Once the Science officer was at his station he looked over the scans of the anomaly that was in front of the ships path. From what the scans read, it was nothing more than a cloud of gases that was normally encountered in deep space. Spock's first thought was a star was possibly about to form. He took a closer look at the view screen and something seemed out of place. He could not identify it, but something in the back of his mind made him weary to trust his scans.

"Well, what do you recommend Mr. Spock?" Jim asked in his briskly tone he adopted on the bridge.

"I believe we should use caution and remain clear of the anomaly until I can recalibrate my scans to probe for further analysis," Spock answered as he stood up from his station and put his hands behind his back. His hands shook slightly but he showed no other signs of his illness.

"It is ordered Mr. Spock. I do not need to remind you of our time constraints. Make it quick," Jim replied.

"Aye sir," Spock replied and set to work recalibrating the scanners.

Nyota walked over and gave the captain her report on the codes she had translated. On her way back to her station she looked in Spock's direction. He looked her in the eyes for a moment. Her face was set in her professional manner but her eyes were brimming with things she wanted to say and do, but couldn't. He looked down and then put his attention back to his work. He subconsciously tilted his head slightly as a thought occurred to him.

"Captain, may I see those codes?"

Without a word Jim handed Spock the report. He looked them over translating as he went. The truth opened up to him as he finished his analysis.

"Captain, the anomaly is a mined barrier and these codes are the detonators. If we were to go inside the anomaly, the ship would be destroyed. Someone is trying to isolate Vulcan II." Spock reported as he handed Jim back the codes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Decisions**

**Chapter Seven**

At Spock's revelation, Jim immediately put the ship on red alert. The first officer set to work on his recalibration of the scanners in order to learn more about the mined barrier ahead of them. The bridge was now dark and pensive. It reminded Spock of his first mission aboard the Enterprise. He quickly stopped that train of thought before it spread. He knew it was the blood fever that made him so distractible at the moment. Jim having to bark out orders did nothing to help him concentrate.

"Lieutenant Uhura, send an emergency transmission to Start Fleet Command telling them what we know so far; and ask them for further orders."

After those orders were given, Jim got up and moved over to Spock's station.

"Mr. Spock, is there a good chance that Vulcan II is already under some kind of attack?" Jim asked with a captains trained calmness. Despite his tone, the concern that he would not like Spock's answer was written plainly on Jim's face.

"That is doubtful; there would have been some word from the colony or the Federation supply ships that are normally in the area," Spock replied, his voice sounded tired from the strain of his attempt to control his emotions.

Jim put his hand on Spock's shoulder for a moment and then with a slightly relieved sigh went back to the command chair. Spock knew that Jim wanted to question him more about what was going on. The Vulcan was very grateful that his friend read him well enough to know that what he need was to be left alone to work. Distractions would only lessen his control that he barely held as it was.

"Sir, Star Fleet Command says our new mission is to investigate the barrier and find who is responsible. We are also ordered to go to Vulcan II and check on their status. They have lost all transmissions from the planet," Nyota relayed to Jim, her voice was solemn.

Spock nearly cringed; he was not use to being wrong. There was still a good chance that his people were experiencing communication disruptions and were perfectly safe. Spock inwardly sighed; this thought brought to his memory a human phrase Dr, McCoy favored, 'In a pig's eye'. He fought back his nagging worry for his people and concentrated on his scan.

Spock's scans finished and he read and calculated all the data within minutes. It was as he had expected, there were enough unstable materials in the anomaly to destroy a whole fleet of ships as they tried to pass through it. What troubled Spock even more was the fact that he could not decipher who created the codes or the mines. It was not a weapon he had seen before and the codes were not done by any Species he had studied.

"Mr. Spock, I need something to go on, we can't just sit here," Jim stated impatiently.

Jim's implications that he was not doing his job efficiently enough sent Spock over the fine edge that he walked since his return to the bridge.

"When I have found a way to pass through the mined barrier, I will report it!" Spock's tone was no longer that of a reserved Vulcan, but of pure human agitation.

Jim was so stunned by his friend's out burst that he didn't even reply to reprimand him. The whole bridge, including Nyota looked at him as if he was another person entirely, a stranger. The bridge had suddenly turned so quiet that even the sounds of the running computers seemed too loud.

Spock took a deep breath, and collected him self again. He had never acted to completely non-Vulcan on the bridge since the day he nearly beat Kirk to death. He was beyond humiliated but knew he did not have the time to let that affect him. He had to find out how to get the Enterprise to Vulcan II.

"My apologies Captain, I will have more information momentarily," Spock said more calmly and quickly turned back to his readings. Jim just nodded and returned to his own responsibilities. The other bridge crew immediately did the same.

Spock shivered slightly from the cool air and closed his eyes for a moment before he began take another look at the codes. If he was correct, they may have the key to safely going through the mined anomaly.

Nyota passed by the science station on her way to take Jim another report. Spock noticed but probably shouldn't have. Her dark thick pony tail swished in rhythm with her skirt. Spock's eyes traveled to her sensual hips that kept in time like the rhythm of a musical masterpiece. His already heated thoughts traveled to a less gentlemanly direction before he could attempt to stop it. He imagined their bodies mingled together in the same movements, her naked skin against his. He could imagine her lovely hair set free from its constraints to reveal the Nyota that spent her Saturdays in Spock's quarters, taunting his resolve every time.

She paused to put a grey, light blanket around Spock's shoulders and let her finger trace his neck for an instant, his breathing stopped all together. After a moment she spoke in Vulcan very softly, her lips lightly brushed his sensitive pointed right ear. Nyota's sent hit his nostrils with overwhelming power; this combined with her touch on his ears caused his body to begin to tremble slightly.

"If you weren't already dying, I would kill you," Nyota hissed. The sound of her voice speaking his native language with such force was the most seductive sound he had ever heard. The blood Fever reacted to that challenging tone in ways that Spock hoped was unnoticeable to the others on the bridge. He hated the fact that he could feel every word she spoke on his warm skin because it felt so wonderfully enticing and sent electric jolts through his entire body.

Nyota calmly went back to her station and even seemed to perk up a little. She had finally gained her moment to get across to Spock all of the emotion he saw in her eyes when he first walked onto the bridge. She went back to work with the haste and determination that Spock admired about her.

Spock would have to speak to the good Doctor about diverging his patient's medical information. He knew that Bones wouldn't care even a little bit, if he thought it was for the welfare of his patient…or friend. It did not however excuse him of not following his oath and Spock intended to call him on it eventually.

Spock closed his eyes and conjured all the Vulcan control he could to calm his body and mind. The blood fever was dangerously close to overtaking his will. After a few moments he was in a more rational state of mind than he thought possible after that incident. He was at least able to concentrate again. He almost felt sick for letting his mind and body nearly lose control in such a manner. It was detestable for him to think of Nyota so inappropriately while on the bridge. His logic had completely failed him and as much as Spock didn't want to admit it, it frightened him deeply. Spock took deep breaths; he knew it was not really himself that almost lost it. The blood fever has been unfulfilled for too long. He found it interesting that there was a high possibility that it was the human in him that allowed him to fight off the madness for as long as he had.

Spock cleared his head and he _was_ thankful for the warm blanket Nyota had given him. He did a quick simulation on his consol to see if his idea would work. His first few tries failed but he learned from them quickly. The third try was victory. He quickly got up from his consol and went to Jim's side.

"Captain, I believe I can rewrite these codes to allow us safe passage through the barrier. However what is awaiting us on the other side, I still cannot determine." Spock was barley able to keep the relief from seeping into his tone.

"That's good news; however isn't that a little too easy? I mean aren't their security provisions on the codes to make them hard to tamper with?" Jim replied as he looked at his first officer.

"Yes sir, but I have found an alternative, I bypassed the security by what is called a copycat method, It has been described as 'if you can beat the code, speak its language'," Spock answered with a hint of pride.

"Excellent work; do you require assistance?" Jim asked. Spock's lips lifted slightly in his smiling without smiling way. Jim sounded as relieved as Spock felt. He had not failed them.

"It would be done more quickly if Ensign Chekov assisted me," Spock admitted as he raised an eyebrow. Chekov turned his seat around, his large hazel eyes wide with surprise. Spock almost never admitted that he needed help. Chekov put his hands through his light curly hair in nervously.

"What do you think Chekov, can you put up with this perfectionist Vulcan?" Jim said with a smile. Spock raised an eyebrow at his friends jab but remained silent, waiting for Chekov's response.

"Of course sir!" Chekov replied without hesitation.

Spock and Chekov looked at the codes on the science station view screen. Spock began by putting in a portion of the rewritten code his long graceful fingers were efficient and precise. Chekov would then supply the rest with his smaller but just as graceful fingers that were made for this kind of work. The young intelligent Russian reminded Spock of the younger and unsure version of himself. Once Spock was confident that Chekov was more than proficient and knew what it was they had to do he gave the young ensign half of the long list of codes to work on by himself.

After an hour both Spock and Chekov were finished with their rewritten codes. Spock checked over the Ensign's work briefly and they were prefect as he had expected. Spock slowly went over to Nyota's station and gave her the rewritten codes. She took them without even looking in his direction.

Spock knew that there had to be a way to resolve this, if he could rewrite alien codes he had never seen before that could possibly save their lives, his relationship with Nyota should be easy. But it wasn't, relationships were always harder than quantum physics and Computer programming for Spock. It was the one area, he had no training. The Vulcan knew he was fumbling and very close to failing. He calculated that if he continued in his current course of action, the probability that he would lose Nyota even as friend was alarmingly high. He didn't know if he could handle that. Things used to be simple between them, their quiet regard for each other and their schedules just falling into step with each other. A pleasant memory slipped in to his distractible mind as he looked at Nyota…

_The dry desert air felt so familiar to his skin that Spock could barely believe that he was not back on Vulcan. Their trip to the desert continent was a good idea. It had taken several weeks of Nyota begging and pleading for Spock to take the leave with her, but he was glad he conceded. A second attempt to take the trip to Africa that had been curtailed by tragedy seemed to be unavoidable anyway. They walked together up to Nyota's family's house. The estate was large but not immodest or tacky. In fact, Spock found it endearing. The wooden large two story frame and white paint reminded him of the old earth farm houses that his mother admired. The front porch was massive and had many crystal decorations and plants hanging down from hooks. With the morning light, the crystals caused a cascade of colors reflecting all through out the front of the house._

"_They are kind of a hobby of my mothers, I used to help her make them when I was a kid," Nyota told Spock when she noticed he was staring at them._

"_Fascinating," Spock replied as he took his gaze from the crystals and on to Nyota again. Nyota then knocked hard on the large white wooden door. After several minutes the door was pulled open and there stood a tall slender middle aged woman dressed in a long white ruffled skirt with a tan sleeveless shirt with small beading in the shape of an Arabian horse. Spock couldn't help but stare at the woman's face, she had Nyota's lovely chocolate skin and almond eyes._

"_You're here!" the woman exclaimed in Swahili as she pulled Nyota into a tight hug. After a moment she realized that Spock was standing there observing the whole affair and let Nyota go._

_Spock was glad that Nyota had been teaching him Swahili over the past year or this would have proven to be a difficult week._

"_Mom this is Spock," Nyota said also in Swahili, as she motioned to the Vulcan beside her. Spock knew that he was right, Swahili was going to be the language of choice for the next week._

"_Spock this is Kamaria Uhura, my mother," Nyota said, giving him the 'be nice' look._

"_It is pleasant to meet you Mrs. Uhura" Spock said in prefect Swahili. Kamaria smiled at him in surprise._

"_Like wise Spock, and please call me Kamaria. Come in you two, come in," Kamaria ordered as she motioned them inside. _

_The inside of the house was decorated in earth tones and was light and open. Spock immediately felt at home. His family's estate on Vulcan was very similar and the warm weather made him feel more at ease than he thought possible standing in Nyota's family's presence. _

"_The two of you must be starving; lunch will be ready in minute. Go out back on the patio for a bit, while I finish up. I will bring the food out there when it's ready," Kamaria said quickly before she rushed off to the Kitchen._

_Nyota took Spock's hand and lead him through the glass sliding doors to the patio. Spock was not expecting to see a large pool as they entered the patio, but felt it should not have been a surprise. _

"_Do you swim?" she asked Spock in Vulcan after they were both seated in shaded lawn chairs._

_Spock was comforted by the fact that Vulcan had somehow become 'their' language when they were speaking to each other in private._

"_I know how to swim, yes. It is not an activity that I have done regularly however," Spock stated. He had a feeling Nyota would get him in the water eventually._

"_Are you still nervous?" Nyota asked, as she took his hand and put it in hers._

"_No, but are you sure your family would not object to such open display of affection," Spock asked as he eyed their hands that were tightly entwined together._

"_I wouldn't have done it if I thought they would freak out about it Spock. My family is very affectionate, it won't bother them," Nyota reassured him._

_Before they could discuss anything further, the rest of Nyota's family joined them on the patio. Spock guessed that the older African man with a head full of thick grey hair dressed in a business suit was Nyota's father. The younger two twin boys were obviously her brothers._

"_Hey Papa!" Nyota nearly yelled as she got up and hugged the older man. _

"_Hey sweetie," He replied picking her up off her feet a little before letting her go._

_Spock had also had gotten to his feet to formally meet the head of the family. _

"_Papa, this is Spock," She introduced with a large grin._

_Nyota's father looked over Spock for a moment with a clear look of distrust. It unnerved Spock because it was the same look he received from many of the other Vulcans on his home world. _

"_Welcome," was all Nyota's father managed to say as he held out his hand. Nyota shot a nervous look at Spock. She was well aware that Vulcans did not shake hands. Before Nyota could tell her father this Spock took the man's hand and shook it confidently. The Vulcan nearly flinched when he caught the feeling of animosity from Nyota's father before he broke the contact. It was clear that Spock was not welcome at all. _

_Nyota's father did not seem to be disturbed in the slightest when Spock did not respond. Nyota's brothers ignored him but they welcomed their sister home by throwing her in the pool. Spock had to admit that Nyota's mock petrified screams and her brother's laughter was extremely entertaining. She got up out of the pool and flung water all over her brothers and slapped them on the arms. This free and affectionate family atmosphere was foreign to Spock, but he enjoyed seeing Nyota happy. _

"_And these two clowns are Jared and Alex," Nyota called out to Spock breathlessly._

_After another few moments Kamaria came out with a huge bowl of salad and another filled with fruit. The slender older woman put the bowls down on the largest table on the patio._

"_Alright guys, this is all you get until the barbeque tonight," The mother informed the sternly looked suspiciously at her sons. They all nodded and agreed as if she couldn't possibly be talking about little ol' innocent them. _

_Spock's thoughts were troubled by Nyota's father's reaction to him. It was not surprising since human fathers as well as Vulcan, were known to be protective of their daughters to the extreme. The fact remained that it still disappointed Spock. He wanted to make a good impression on Nyota's family since she revered them so highly, her father especially. Nyota's light and cheerful voice interrupted his thoughts._

"_Come on Spock I brought a swim suit for you. Go change and then swim with us," Nyota said she removed her now soaked skirt and shirt. Spock nearly stopped breathing at the sight of his Nyota in a two piece bathing suit that she had worn underneath. Its bright red color sparkled off her skin. She was absolutely stunning. Spock could not think of a single coherent response so he just nodded and went inside to change._

_Spock had been correct as he usually was that Nyota would get him in the water. As soon as he came by the pool after changing in to the black swim trunks she had packed for him she grabbed his hand and pulled him into the cold water. Her brothers applauded and then jumped in themselves. _

_Spock watched as Nyota and her brothers dived off the high diving board with grace. Spock was intrigued by their skill. He even tried it himself but his landing he was told, needed work. _

_Nyota just smiled at him and he felt that there was nothing he wouldn't do for her. Even swim in a pool of cold water with a couple of adolescent, over energetic boys. The afternoon passed quickly as the whole family joined in and enjoyed them selves in the pool. Nyota's father kept his distance from Spock but spent time with Nyota, stealing her away from time to time. Spock didn't mind this in the least. He only wished her father would speak to him. Spock wanted to know what he had done to offend the man. He knew that humans were rarely that direct and that he may never know the answer to his query._

_Later that evening something Spock learned was called a grill was fired up. Spock watched in disgust as a bunch of raw chicken, hamburgers and hotdogs were placed on it to cook. Spock tried to ignore the smell of cooking meat that filled the patio. Spock and Nyota were resting in the lawn chairs after a long day of swimming as the meal cooked._

"_Don't worry, I told Mama that you are a vegetarian and she made a special dish for you," Nyota said with pride in her voice for her mothers thoughtfulness. _

"_That is greatly appreciated," Spock replied squeezing Nyota's hand. _

_The meal that she had made was some kind of potato casserole. What all that was in it Spock couldn't tell, but it was satisfying to his sense of taste. The others eagerly ate their meat and a comfortable silence ensued. Spock felt that he understood now why Nyota missed her home and family so much. There was a peace here that he had not expected to find in an emotional human family._

_After dinner Nyota and Spock went for a walk along the yard to see her mother Rose garden. Spock knew that this was Nyota's way of attempting to gain a few moments alone with him. Once they were out of sight Nyota put her hands around his lean bare waist. Spock, unable to resist, leaned in and kissed her. _

"_What do you think of them Spock?" Nyota asked as she leaned against his warm chest once they pulled away from the kiss. _

"_They are your family Nyota, a part of you. I find them agreeable. However I do not believe that your father thinks the same of me" Spock replied._

_Nyota sighed and stood back up straight._

"_He'll come around Spock. He's just protective," Nyota said putting her hand in his once again. He could feel her confusion about her father's attitude towards him through their touch. Spock didn't really agree with Nyota's assessment so he remained silent. It was getting late so they headed back to the house. On their way Nyota separated from Spock to help her brothers' finish cleaning up. Spock wanted to join them but Nyota insisted that since he was a guest that he should go inside and grab a book to read or catch up on his science research. On his way to his room he noticed that Nyota's mother and father were in a deep conversation. His Vulcan ears picked up his name and it drew his attention. They obviously hadn't heard him come in. He couldn't help but overhear what they were saying._

"_I think he's a fine young man. He may be a little serious, but he is polite and obviously cares for Nyota," Kamaria replied to a statement that Spock had not heard._

"_I don't know how you can tell that. Anyway he's a Vulcan. I have dedicated my life to studying other cultures and I tell you if our daughter is in love with him, he is not in love with her. Not in the same way. I mean, he's probably already betrothed to someone back on Vulcan. What do you think it will do to her if he runs off back to his planet to marry a Vulcan woman? Nyota loves deeply, she always has. She's probably already named their children to be. This is complicated," Nyota's father argued, his irritation at his wife defense of Spock seeped into his tone._

"_Husband, we don't even know how serious this relations ship is."_

"_Serious enough for her to bring him home to meet us!" Nyota's father bellowed._

_You worry too much, for all you know Nyota may be the one to hop on the nearest Star ship and leave him behind," Kamaria replied. Her husband's tense demeanor deflated a little as a smirk crossed his face._

"_Let's hope your right," He chuckled._

_Spock continued to walk to his room and shut the door quietly. He lay down on the large bed and contemplated what he had overheard._

_Spock could not blame Nyota's father for his doubts. Spock wondered now himself how serious their relations had become. Could he see himself forsaking his father's path and marrying her? It scared him a little, but the answer was yes. He wanted Nyota with his for the rest of his life. This realization also made him question whether his initial decision that he did not want children was in error. It was logical he had thought, for him to remain childless. Since any child of his would go through the same hardships he had endured about his heritage. He wondered now if preventing hardships were worth the cost. He could picture Nyota holding their child in her arms lovingly and happy. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------_

Spock reluctantly turned his thoughts away from Nyota. There was work to be done.

"We are ready Captain," Spock informed Jim who seemed to beam with energy now that there was something to do.

"Alright gang, this is going to be dangerous. There is no way to test what we are about to do, but we are going to trust that our resident geniuses know their stuff." Jim transmitted ship wide.

"Alright Sulu, guide us in, steady as she goes," Jim ordered with a sideways grin, his blue eyes bright with the challenge.

The whole bridge was silent as Sulu expertly navigated the Enterprise forward through the hazy light blue mist ahead. Spock watched for any signs of the mines becoming active but so far they were dormant. It did not take long for the ship to exit the barrier. Spock thought it almost too easy as he saw the last of the blue mist trail off of the hull of the ship on the view screen. It seemed the entire bridged sighed with relief together.

"Mr. Spock, Chekov you are officially up for promotion," Jim joked which Spock knew was his way of letting go of the tension he had been holding.

Spock quickly scanned the area for signs of any enemy ships in the area. Surprisingly there were none. There was something very odd about this and Spock had a feeling they would find out sooner or later what it was.

"Captain, so far we have a clear course for Vulcan II," Spock informed calmly, not letting his unease affect him.

"Stand down red alert, but lets still keep on our toes people. I have a feeling this isn't over yet," Jim ordered sitting back in the chair his eyes sharp and thoughtful.

Spock continued to scan and monitored space through his consol, making sure that there course remained clear. Jim got up from the command chair and went over to Spock's station.

"Hey, you've done enough for now, go get some rest," Jim whispered to his friend. Spock appreciated Jim's use of discretion that he normally lacked.

Spock nodded in agreement. He was feeling very tired now that his work was finished. Spock left the bridge and took the turbo lift to the sixth level, where the quarters were located. He walked through the hallway and abruptly stopped when he saw Nyota's quarters. Impulsively he punched in her security code and walked through the door as they swished open. He looked around at the crystal decorations that were hanging on her wall that he mother gave her. It reminded him of his memory that he thought of on the bridge. At a time when he had felt as if he had lost everything, Nota had been there for him. A more constant force than he had ever had in his life before. Nyota had never wavered or doubted him. Now he had made up is mind. He would do what he could to protect Nyota.

He sat down in a chair on the far left of the room and meditated for a while to regain his calm. He could feel the blood fever getting worse. It would not be long before he was deep in the Plak Tow. Spock looked up as the doors to Nyota's quarters opened and she walked in. She stopped abruptly in the middle of the room.

"Spock?" She asked barely able to see him in the dark.

"Yes, I didn't mean to frighten you," Spock replied, his tone deep and heavy.

"You didn't, I was just surprised to see you here that's all. Weren't you supposed to be avoiding me again?" Nyota said her tone was not angry but full of harsh truthfulness.

Spock stood up and came towards her aggressively. Before either of them realized it he had her pined against the wall. Nyota's scent and closeness was too much, he couldn't hold back his reactions anymore. Nyota didn't struggle or flinch as the Vulcan now leaned over her. Both of his hands leaned against the wall behind him. He looked at her with an intensity that Nyota had never seen from him before. His whole demeanor shouted unrestrained emotion.

"Not anymore," Spock replied, his whole body was burning and his tone reflected his desire. He pulled Nyota close to him roughly and ran his fingers against hers in long strokes. They both shivered at the erotic gesture. Nyota did not pull away and so he put his lips to hers in a purely passionate kiss that threatened to undo them both.

**A/N- Sorry for the delay guys! This chapter was a little difficult to write. I hope you enjoy, feel free to let me know either way!**


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